A Message of Support from the President

I saw this message the other day on etrade.com home page. It was issued by their President & COO and his message was firm and clear:

I want to assure you that your accounts and your assets are safe with us, and that we put the utmost value on our relationship with you.”

As I read the message my football fan instincts immediately kicked in and I had to fight myself not to interpret it as:

I want to invite you to visit one of etrade branches in your area and cash out your assets. It was a pleasure working with you and we hope to serve you again in the future.”

I guess that’s the result of following closely Israeli football and it’s dynamics for more than 25 years. After all, in this fascinating game, when the president/chairman sends a message such as:

Our head coach can rest assured that he has my full support.”

everyone knows that he really means:

Our head coach has another game or two with us before he will have to look for a new job in a different team or as a TV commentator.”

Am I wrong, Mr. Cohen?